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Learning a lesson.

 So let's teach a depressed girl a lesson. We'll teach it to her by doing exactly what we were doing before...Which obviously led to her poor behaviors.  Mom isn't letting me see Jordan. Pam isn't...

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Rawr.

 Nobody fucking understands! Nobody! I don't have any fucking friends...I don't have anybody I can talk to...Nothing. I'm fucking alone and everyone wants me to be more alone. Nobody gives a flying...

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Addiction.

 Shit finally hit the fan today and now Jordan knows everything. He knows about everything I've done...He was pissed. He yelled and screamed but it was because he was hurt. He was hurt because I was...

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Eventful day.

 So much has happened today...Wow. Just seriously wow.  I got my driver's permit  Jordan and I are moving in together.  My sister asked me for advice on how to break up with her girlfriend.  and...

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Meh.

 I keep trying...I keep trying and I don't know why or what for. What do I have to look forward to? What do I have that will really make me happy? I have Jordan...Whom thinks I'm a stupid skanky bitch...

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I have a very bad feeling...

 Today has been relatively good...No major fights, no major arguments...I cut my hair...I saw one of my friends that's actually a good influence on me...Jordan and I got along...And work wasn't even...

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He's Doing It On Purpose.

 I told him that I work 11-8. I told him what time lunch was. I told him I'd call him on my break. And I told him I'd call him at lunch. I was late calling him at lunch because Jason showed up and was...

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Just fuck it.

 I hate everything. I haven't left the fucking house since yesterday. And then I only left for work. I'm not ALLOWED to leave the house til Thursday. And that's to go meet my goddamned bitch of a...

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Disappointed.

 I don't think anybody fucking understands how badly this hurts. I don't think they can possibly fathom how shitty I feel every time I hear his voice or his name. You all tell me that it'll get better,...

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Hating life.

 My heart hurts. My insides hurt. Everything hurts. I hurt. I don't see anything good right now...No reason to try, nothing to work towards...You know your life is fucked up when you don't even know...

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Grow Up.

 I'm not quite yet 18...And I've fucking grown up. I know I'll never go to New York, or be a famous writer, I know there's no such thing as forever and that nobody gives a fuck except for me if even...

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:-(

 I'm so tired of this. I always feel like I have to be watching someone, monitoring someone, making suere someone is making the right choice. I'm fucking seventeen. SEVENTEEN. Why? Why do I have a...

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Pretending

 I just need to keep writing...As long as I can write...I can pretend...I can pretend that the world isn't falling apart at the seams and I'm not left alone quaking in the middle of the rubble. I can...

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Disillusioned.

 He broke up with me. He didn't even do it himself...He did it through my best fucking friend...He wouldn't answer my calls...My text messages...Just fucking ignored me. He hates me. Completely.  I've...

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What the Hell is wrong with me?

  No matter how bad I think things have gotten...They always get worse. My fiance, the great love of my life, decided that we needed to take a break. That was devastating. Then we break up. Then he...

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When is this going to stop?

 I hate this. Every song, every kiss, every time someone tries to get with me...All I can think about is HIM. Why can't I stop? Why can't I make him go away? I've had plenty of guys give me plenty of...

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Blah.

 I saw Jordan yesterday...Well, Tuesday since now it's Thursday.  It fucking sucked. I flipped out and starting crying hysterically and I wanted to go home but I couldn't. God I was stupid to think...

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Sigh

 As much as I would like to pretend that I'm special, that I have an amazing life ahead of me, that someday I'm going to be somebody big...I can't. I'm nothing but another ordinary girl. I've got so...

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I Will Not Cry.

 Because all my tears are gone. There's a gaping hole in my chest, and it hurts. A lot. I still miss Jordan...How stupid and pathetic am I? I would still leap at the chance to be with him, though he...

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What I Want.

 I want a husband, and kids...I want twin girls and a boy. I want a nice house on the beach...WHere I can hear the ocean every night as I fall asleep in my one true love's arms. I want to be a well...

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